Ye oŋe and oŋley wordde of God

A particular brand of wingnuttery I've come across lately is the belief that the King James version of the Bible is the one and only Word of God and all other translations are at least substandard, and at worst, works of the devil.
It is called the King James Only movement and is yet another source of schism amongst the myriad Christian sects.

Try this web page for example: Why Do We Only Support The King James Version Of The Holy Bible?

FABLE: The King James Bible was revised several times before 1800, so modern translations are just additional revisions of the original King James Bible of 1611.

FACT: The so-called "revisions" of the King James Bible prior to 1800 were to correct typographical errors, add notes, and omit the Apocrypha from between the Testaments. There were no changes in the actual TEXT of the King James Bible. The REAL changes (over 36,000 of them) didn't start until the modern revisionists came on the scene.

Well that's OK then. The whole thing was God inspired and controlled except for the typos. God can't proof read.

FABLE: The modern translations are more accurate because they have been translated from older and better manuscripts.

FACT: It is truly amazing how so many Christians have bought into this lie without ever checking to see WHAT these manuscripts are, WHERE they came from, and WHO wrote them. Its also strange that no one seems to be asking the question, "Has God honored these 'older' and 'better' manuscripts throughout Church History?"

Older doesn't mean better. Unless it's the KJV in which case older is better.

FABLE: New translations are needed to correct the errors and contradictions in the King James Bible.

FACT: No one has ever proven that there are errors and contradictions in the KJV. Many "Christian" colleges and preachers have a nasty habit of pointing out APPARENT contradictions to their people, but these arguments have been disproven so many times that it is nothing less than disgusting to hear them still being used.

Well there's a few problems here, not least of which is that all the newer translations are full of contradictions too.

FABLE: New Translations are needed to bring the archaic Old English language up to date. People have trouble understanding the language of the King James Bible.

FACT: The King James language is NOT hard to understand. Most of the so-called "archaic" words are explained by the context of the passage or by comparing the passage with other passages in the Bible where the same word is used. Heady and high-minded people resent the King James language because it is plain and simple, and it isn't in tune with their high-minded vocabulary. In fact, the Grade Level Indicator of the Flesch-Kincaid research company says the King James language is EASIER to understand than the new versions.
We certainly agree that the language of the King James Bible is a unique language, but why shouldn't it be? It's the WORD OF GOD!

Can't argue with that. If English was good enough for Jesus, then it's good enough for me too.

FABLE: The King James Bible cannot be infallible because the translators were only men, and all men are sinners. The human element prevents the KJV from being infallible.

FACT: If this is true, then even the ORIGINAL AUTOGRAPHS in Hebrew and Greek were not infallible, because they too were penned by men!

Exactly. Do these people have no sense of irony?

FABLE: The King James translators added to the word of God, because the italicized words in the KJV were not in the originals.

FACT: The Italics in the KJV prove that the translators were HONEST in their work. They set the words in italics so we'd know they were not in the manuscripts they were using.
Besides, no one has a copy of the original manuscripts today, so no one knows for certain that the italicized words aren't in them. In fact, there are many cases where we know that the italicized words are justified. For example, notice in Deuteronomy 8:3 that the word "word" is in Italics. However, when Jesus quotes this verse in Matthew 4:4 he INCLUDES the italicized word! If the italicized word does not belong in the Bible, why did the Lord Jesus quote it?

Because the guys who wrote the gospels were making shit up?

FABLE: The original King James Bible included the Apocrypha in the Old Testament.

FACT: The King James translators knew the Apocrypha was not scripture, so they placed it BETWEEN the Old and New Testament as a HISTORICAL DOCUMENT, not as scripture.

Ohhh, OK. So why have the Apocrypha been dropped from the KJV again?

Here we have the crazy Faithful Word Baptist church burning the Satanic NIV. A bit of web research will show that the wife of pastor Steven L. Anderson, Zsuzsanna has a particularly hateful blog, and do yourself a big favour and watch the YouTube vid of pastor Anderson very upset after a border cop beat him up. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YUzd7G875Hc They are also Quiverful crazies and antivaccine crazies

Witchcraft in the 21st cnetury

Here is a terrible story about child withches in Nigeria.

Fundie Chfristianity, merged with traditional beliefs has caused a plague of evangelical churches springing up who have wich hunt services. Children are accused and tortured until the confess. Then they are ostracised or killed.

In the midst of this horrifying tale, living proof of how religion ruins everything is this statement from Sam Itauma, a Nigerian who is helping these children, currently caring for 150 homeless outcasts.

"Christianity in the Niger Delta is seriously questionable, putting a traditional religion together with Christian religion - and it makes nonsense out of it,"

No, Sam, it is a nonsense already. I am fairly certain that everything these evil people do can be backed up by Bible verses.

A man is only a man if he pisses standing up

1 Kings 14:10 "Therefore, behold, I will bring evil upon the house of Jeroboam, and will cut off from Jeroboam him that pisseth against the wall, and him that is shut up and left in Israel, and will take away the remnant of the house of Jeroboam, as a man taketh away dung, till it be all gone."

Atheists often challenge fundie christians that they don't take the Bible literally because it's full of crazy stuff like stoning your children for disrespect.

Well some people DO take the Bible literally.

Pastor Steven Anderson of Faithful Word Baptist Church believes that ONLY the King James version of the Bible is divine, and that Jesus is the Bible, they are the same thing, and that men must piss standing up.*

This man is the brother of Raani Starnes, the lady I blogged abou in the previous post.
No, I'm not stalking the family! She has him as a guest blogger on her blog, in place of the post she had about bombing gay friendly schools.
Madder than a box of fish that family.

Here is a christian blogger criticisng his style of preaching and his theology.

Prayer, What's it all about?

Jesus said "If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer." (Matthew 21:22) and it is repeated in the Gospel of Mark "Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." (Mark 11:24)

This kind of prayer is obviously intercessionary prayer, praying on behalf of other people, praying for a change of events, praying for an outcome of some sort.

the difficulty is, as we all know, believers and heathen alike, prayers do not always get answered. Christians will often explain that God answers prayers in one of three ways: Yes, No, and Later.

Well, the "No" option is a direct contradiction of Jesus' promise. So Christians who are not getting their prayers answered will have to assume that either "Later" is in play, or, they did not have enough faith.

Others will explain that prayers will be answered, providing what is being asked for is in God's will. Well, if it is in His will, His plan, then it will come about anyway. It's His will. So there's no need to bother asking. And if it's not in His will, well again, no need to bother asking. Either way, no need to bother God.

Any ideas on how to resolve the many Biblical contradictions about prayer? Jesus tells us tio pray in private and secret so as not to be like the hypocrites, and yet in Paul's letter to Timothy, Chapter 2 entitled "Instructions on Worship" we are instructed: "I want men everywhere to lift up holy hands in prayer"

Paul also wants us to bother God in 1 Timothy 2:1 "I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone— for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. This is good, and pleases God our Savior" Wouldn't have done anyone any good in the Holocaust would it? Or perhaps not a single person in the world prayed during 1939-1945 with enough belief.

Biblical Nonsense

A Review of the Bible For Doubting Christians
Dr Jason Long

I ordered this book, along with 50 Reasons People Give For Believeing in A God because they are on the list for the book club on Adrian Hayter's Atheist Blogger site.

Biblical Nonsense arrived first so it got read.

On the plus side it was an easy read, for me that was also its downfall. I felt that often Dr long is talking down to his reader. There wasn't much that I didn't know already, but I found his chapters on Prophesy Slavery and Women most interesting.

The book is subtitled - "A Review of the Bible For Doubting Christians" but I doubt very much if doubting Christians would enjoy it. In the chapters on the flood, logical fallacies and science he uses disparaging language to describe the mindsets of believers and apologists. Perhaps such language is justified, but I'm not convinced it will help to persuade.

I felt another weakness of his argument for the scientific weaknesses of the Bible is to criticise the science of events that are obviously miraculous. For example, he states that it neither logical nor scientific that God created light before he created the sun and the stars. Sure it's illogical, but he's God, by the Christian definition he is entirely capable of anything. he can have plants groing before the sun's creation, sure, why not? he's God.

I felt the book did a very good job of illustrating that the Bible cannot be divinely inspired because of the errors and contradicitions contained. And importantly for me were the errors of edition. A book authored under the direct guideance of Holy God had a crap proof reader.

Dr Long explains that the book grew out of a series of essays and unfortunately, in this respect it is a lot like the Bible it criticises: A collection of disparate works that don't hold together well. With more time and effort, Dr Long could have re-worked some of the chapters to homogonise the writing style across the whole book. A stricter editor would have insisted on it. I've never written a book, and I acknowledge it must be pain in the arse to rework and re-write material.

I spent my church time in a Baptist Church and was led to believe that the NIV translation was super accurate and tip top. I was amazed to discover via this book of some of the liberties the NIV has taken in its translation.

I'd recommend the book, not as an in-depth study, it doesn't claim to be that, but as a great primer into the failings, errors, fallacies, and lies contained in The Holy Bible. It is certainly a stimumus to further study.
The end of the book gave a list of further reading of on-line sources which I am going to find very useful.

Paradox

About the year 600BC the Cretan philosopher Epimenides of Knossos said "All Cretans are liars" and thus stated one of the oldest and best known self-referntial paradoxes.

If the statement is true, the nall Cretans ARE liars, but Epimenides himself was Cretan so he must have been lying when he said it. But if he was lying then ... and so on.

Now, I never knew that this paradox is quoted in the Bible. At least I did know because I have read the verse as part of the Letter to Titus but didn't know what it referred to. Reading the book "Aha! Gotcha: Paradoxes to Puzzle and Delight" by Martin Gardner taught me lots, but then I still didn't realise the reference in Titus. (Can't find that book, I must have lent it to someone)

The author of the letter (it is disputed as to whether or not it is Paul) says in Titus 1:12-13 - "Even one of their own prophets has said, "Cretans are always liars, evil brutes, lazy gluttons." This testimony is true."

Bloody typical. Not only does the author miss the point completely, taking it to be an actual observation about Cretans and not as an exercise in logic, he further misquotes and attributes evil, laziness and gluttony to them. see my edit below.

And then to cap it off, in perfect irony, he adds "This testimony is true"
But, if it's true, then the guy who said it ('one of their own prophets') must be a liar so it's not true etc etc.

The author of the letter to Titus shows exactly the same mentality and ignorance that we see in today's popular christian apologists. If you spend any time reading Ray Comfort's blog you'll see what I mean.

I recommend you reach Ray Comfort's blog via the clever and sexy Raytractors. That way you can be vaccinated against the stupid before you inflict it on yourself.

edited to acknowledge my own ignorance, after further research:
The author of Titus is not misquoting, he is working from a stanza in the poem Cretica by Epimenides:

They fashioned a tomb for thee, O holy and high one—
The Cretans, always liars, evil beasts, idle bellies!
But thou art not dead: thou livest and abidest forever,
For in thee we live and move and have our being.

Minos is talking to Zeus, so the Cretan "lie" is that Zeus is dead. Which is yet further irony given that the Cretans seem to have been early atheists, or at least aZeusists.

This poem by Epimenides is also quoted in Acts 17:28

Mark Twain

Has some damn fine quotes. Sharp fella.

Here's my motivational poster based on one of his quotes on the Bible.